i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His nipple licking is glorious
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