i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
false alarm, still single
Randomize
