Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
