I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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