The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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