Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
