so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
