he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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