he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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