when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
