you guys were way drunker than both of me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
