I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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