I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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