Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
