Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
