Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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