belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
