I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
