He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
