as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's like iHOP with fire
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
