he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
