We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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