you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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