I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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