Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
