just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
