He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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