Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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