So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
is that a dick in a sweater?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
