I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i out mim tonsoeep
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