dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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