Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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