After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
