Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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