pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
