she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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