Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
