Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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