Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
