i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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