dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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