Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
