Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
