the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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