dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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