New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
