So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
