Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm like, not good at living.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
