Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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