The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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