I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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