party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
