its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
