I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this boner is exhausting
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
